


Mini Merlin

by carabc03



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e09 Lady of the Lake, Fluff, Gen, I haven't actually decided yet, Kid Merlin, Magic Revealed, Mentions of Freya, Mentions of Freylin, Mentions of Will - Freeform, Merlin is an idiot, Past Character Death, Past minor character death, Possible Magic Reveal, Protective Arthur, Protective Gwaine, Protective Knights, Protective Percival, SO MUCH FLUFF, Scared Merlin, and accidentally deages himself, and some angst, but he doesn't remember camelot or the knights, comment whether you want a reveal or not, deaged!merlin, lots of fluff, mentions of aithusa, mentions of balinor - Freeform, mentions of kilgharrah, merlin is deaged, past freylin, protective leon, seriously, so he basically ends up terrified of everyone, the dragons may appear in a later chapter, young Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carabc03/pseuds/carabc03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur wakes up to find a de-aged Merlin sitting in his room- a Merlin with no memories of Camelot. The knights all offer to help- but the one thing they can't understand is why Merlin seems so scared of 'the knights in the red capes', and why he keeps pleading with them not to burn him.<br/>As Merlin begins to get his memories back, the knights find out more and more about their friend while he remembers and reveals his life in Camelot.<br/>I'm not great at summaries, but please give the story a shot!</p><p>Edit: I just saw that this story has a little over 10,000 hits, which is absolutely mindblowing! It's so humbling to envision a concert's worth of people reading my fanfic, and I am so grateful for all of you. I never expected this type of response, and I truly can't thank you enough for all of the support <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur wakes to the sound of a small, childlike sniffle coming from across the room. He opens his eyes, careful not to move, and looks at the source of the noise. There is a small, skinny boy with dark hair, sitting with his back to Arthur. The king hears the sniffling noise again, and realizes the kid is crying. He feels concern for a second, before jolting up- how did a kid get into his chambers without anyone noticing?

When he sits up, the boys hears him and turns. His pale blue eyes widen, and he wipes the tears from them quickly. He looks to be about five or six.

“Who are you?” Arthur demands. “What are you doing here?”

The boy tenses, shifting into a slightly defensive position as if he expects Arthur to attack him. “I- I don't know why I came here,” he says, voice trembling slightly. “I thought I was s’posed to.” Before Arthur can question that, the boy adds, almost as an afterthought, “my name’s Merlin.”

Arthur freezes. Surely it’s just a coincidence? This can’t be Merlin. This must just be another pale, skinny boy with black hair, blue eyes, and ridiculous ears who happens to have the same name as the king’s manservant.

“Where am I?” Merlin asks, wiping his nose on his too-long sleeve before looking around the room.

“You’re in my bedchambers,” Arthur says slowly.

Merlin frowns. “This doesn't look like Ealdor.”

Okay. So this other identical (but younger) boy with the same name also lives in Merlin’s home village. Coincidence, still. Must be.

Or sorcery?

“What's your mother’s name?” Arthur asks, trying to figure out if this is who he thinks it is.

“Hunith,” Merlin answers.

It’s him.

“Merlin,” Arthur begins carefully, “do you remember me?”

The boy frowns, narrowing his eyes as he thinks. “No,” he answers finally. “Am I s’posed to?”

Arthur tries to think of a response, but he has no idea how to handle a situation like this. “Wait here,” he instructs, before running from the room. Several guards ask him if something’s wrong, but he ignores them.

He arrives at Leon’s chambers first. The knight is still sleeping, but Arthur feels little remorse for waking him early; it's not long to sunrise, so he would have had to get up soon anyway.

“Leon!” Arthur hisses.

The curly haired man jolts upright, scanning the room for the source of the noise until his eyes land on Arthur. “Sire?” he questions. “Is there a problem?”

“Sorcery,” Arthur says. Leon’s eyes widen in understanding.

“Should I ring the warning bell?”

“No! This is… a bit personal. I require the assistance of my most trusted knights.”

Leon gets out of bed. “Should I… get dressed first?” Arthur notices for the first time that he’s still wearing his nightclothes.

“Yes. When you’re clothed, join me in my chambers with the others,” Arthur orders before leaving the room. He goes to get the other knights, trying to ignore the thought swirling through his mind:

How the hell am I going to fix this?

 

 

“This had better be good, Princess,” Gwaine grumbles as he enters Arthur’s chambers. He glares at the king for a second before noticing the small boy sleeping in the corner. Gwaine frowns.

The other knights enter the room, all noticing Merlin at around the same time.

“A kid?” Gwaine asks incredulously. “You brought us here for a kid?”  
Leon clears his throat, shooting Gwaine a look. “With all due respect, sire, I was under the impression that there was a threat of sorcery?”

“There is,” Arthur says grimly. “Because this ‘kid’ is Merlin.”

“No way!” Elyan gasps.

“Are you serious?” Gwaine demands.

“Huh,” Percival puts in quietly.

The noises of surprise wake Merlin, and he blearily looks up at the group of knights. He frowns for a second, before something like terror covers his face. “No! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I can't help it!” Merlin covers his head with his arms in a protective gesture, his tiny body erupting into violent trembles.

The knights stare in shock.

“Merlin, mate, we’re not going to hurt you,” Gwaine says gently, kneeling next to his small friend.

The boy uncovers his head slightly, but his body remains tense and the fear doesn't leave his expression. “But you're the knights with the red capes,” he says, his voice wobbling slightly.

“Yes, we are,” Leon agrees, joining Gwaine on the ground. Elyan and Percival soon follow.

“Why would we want to hurt you?” Elyan asks carefully.

“Because I-” Merlin breaks off in a sob. “I can't say! She won't let me say! Don't kill me, please!”  
“Merlin, we won't kill you,” Arthur assures him once the shock has diminished enough for him to form coherent words. “What can't you tell us? Who won't let you?” Something occurs to him. “Is someone threatening you?”  
Merlin flinches back from the knights who now surround him, and he looks so tiny and helpless as he attempts to curl away from them that it makes Arthur physically sick that Merlin thinks they would hurt-kill him. “She's n-not threatening me. It's just that I can't tell you cause you’d burn me and I'm scared and I didn't want to be like this and I promise I'm not a monster!”

“We believe you,” Gwaine says with a comforting smile. “But who doesn't want you to tell us?”

“My mommy.”

“What?” Arthur hisses, shocked that Hunith would terrify her son this way, and Merlin lets out a small cry of fear and curls in on himself in a defensive gesture. 

All the knights turn angry glares on the king- even Leon.

“Don't scare him even more, Princess,” Gwaine whispers harshly.

Arthur attempts to keep his voice steady as he continues to talk to Merlin. “So, your mommy told you that you couldn't tell us, because if you did we would burn you?”

Merlin keeps his head hidden behind his arms, but he moves it up and down slightly in a nod.

“Merlin, we would never hurt you,” Percival says.

The boy doesn't move, and Arthur sighs. “One of you, get Gaius.”

Leon is the one to go, and the rest of the knights just stare at the tiny Merlin, unsure of what to do.

“Why is he so scared of us?” Gwaine asks, shaking his head.

“I wish I knew.”

 

 

“This sorcery is not permanent, but it is very powerful indeed. It should wear off within a fortnight.” Gaius says as he examines the terrified child. “Until then, just try not to let him wander off or get into too much trouble.”

The knights all stand around, nodding their understanding of Gaius’s instructions. They had all agreed it would be best not to wear the red capes around the boy, and Merlin seems to be a bit calmer because of it.

“Gaius, he seems to be scared of us. He says… he thought we were going to kill him. Do you have any idea why?” Arthur asks.

Gaius doesn't look surprised. “Oh, my dear boy,” he says sadly. He then turns to his king. “Merlin had a… difficult childhood in Ealdor. I expect that what he heard about the knights of Camelot isn't quite as noble as you may think.”

Arthur stares at him expectantly, but Gaius says nothing more. “When you say difficult childhood-” 

“-that is Merlin’s story to tell, Sire,” Gaius cuts in.

Annoying as it may be, Arthur knows the physician is right- he should not know anything about Merlin that his servant doesn't want him to know. He has no right to the personal details of Merlin’s upbringing.

“Of course,” he mutters in response. He turns to the knights. “You are dismissed.”

Nobody moves.

“Like hell we’re leaving you to babysit Merlin!” Gwaine snorts.

“I have to agree with him there,” Elyan says. “He’s our friend, too.”

“We want to help,” Leon adds.

Percival just nods.

Arthur sighs. “Alright. We can take turns watching him. But I want to watch him first. I have some questions for him.”

The knights nod their agreement. Gwaine gives a very self satisfied smile before leaving the room, the others trailing behind.  
“Alright, Merlin,” Arthur says. “Let’s begin.”


	2. Chapter 2

Soon after everyone leaves Gaius’s chambers, Merlin is in Arthur’s chambers, spread across the floor, drawing what looks to be a dragon.

“So,” Arthur begins, breaking the silence.

Merlin continues coloring without looking up, but Arthur sees his muscles tense. “What?”

“That's a nice dragon,” the king says awkwardly. He can't see Merlin’s face very well, but it looks like he smiles.

“Thanks. His name’s Kilgharrah.” He points to a smaller, half-finished dragon that Arthur hadn't noticed. “That one’s Aithusa.”

“Huh. That's.... Creative,” Arthur comments. Merlin says nothing.

Neither of them say anything for a time, and it’s probably the most uncomfortable silence that Arthur has ever experienced. Finally Merlin breaks it by asking quietly, “What's a bastard?”

Arthur chokes. _“What?”_

“That's what the others call me. Back in Ealdor. They beat me up sometimes, too, and they say it’s ‘cause I'm a bastard child. I don't know what it means, though.”

“Oh,” Arthur says, not knowing what to say. “It's an insult.”

“I know that. I just don't know what it is.”

“Just… it's not good.”

Merlin seems to accept this and goes back to his dragons. Arthur, however, is not done with this conversation.

“What do you mean, they beat you up?”

Merlin shrugs. “They don't like me much. Sometimes they’ll punch and kick me. Sometimes they throw rocks.” His little face clouds with anger. “They call mommy a whore since my dad’s not here.”

“Oh,” Arthur says quietly, and finds himself wishing he hadn't asked. “I'm sorry.”

Merlin shrugs again. “S’not your fault.”

“Why are you so afraid of the red knights?” Arthur asks after a moment, unable to contain his curiosity.

Merlin stiffens. “You're not from Ealdor, are you?”

“No. Why?”

“‘Cause if you were you’d know why,” Merlin says simply.

“You're not in Ealdor, either,” Arthur says, and continues at Merlin’s surprised look, “we’re in Camelot.”

Merlin goes white as a sheet. His shaking hand drops the quill he was drawing with, and he starts shouting, “no! You lied! You said you weren’t gonna kill me! If you weren’t gonna kill me why’d you take me to Camelot?”

Arthur’s stomach twists. _Is that really what the outlying villages think of Camelot? That it's a place of danger and death and nothing more?_ “Merlin, look at me,” he orders. The boy obeys, still trembling. “I will never hurt you or kill you. No matter what. I give you my word.”

Merlin seems to understand how important the promise is, because his eyes widen and he nods vigorously.

“Neither will my knights,” Arthur adds. “In fact, they're going to help me take care of you.”

“You promise?” Merlin asks in a small voice.

“Yes.”

“Okay. But… why do you need to take care of me? Where is my mom?” Merlin asks, suddenly looking afraid.

“She's fine,” Arthur assures him. “She's back in Ealdor. We’re just taking care of you for a while.”

“She sent me away, didn't she?” Merlin wails. “She said she would, she said she had to send me to some man in Camelot. She said it was the only way to keep me safe but she also said that I would die if I told you my secret here and I don't know why she’d send me here if I'm just gonna die,” he babbles.

“Merlin, Merlin!” Arthur interrupts, holding his hands up. “Nobody’s gonna kill you, and your mom just sent you here because she was… um… travelling to visit a friend. An ill friend who is very contagious. And you couldn't go because she didn't want you to get sick, too.”

“Won't she get sick?”  
“No, this is a disease that only affects… boys,” Arthur tries.

Merlin eyes him doubtfully, but before he can question it Gwaine bursts through the door.

“Princess, your shift is up. It’s my turn to babysit,” he announces. A grumbling Arthur leaves the room, and Merlin stares up at Gwaine fearfully.

“Hi, Merlin. My name’s Gwaine,” he greets with a lopsided grin.

“Hi.”

“Those are some great dragons you have there. Do they have names?” Gwaine asks, motioning to the drawing.

“That one’s Kilgharrah and that one’s Aithusa,” Merlin points to the bigger dragon then the smaller one in turn.

“I like those names. Where’d you come up with them?” Gwaine asks, sounding genuinely impressed.

Merlin furrows his brow, looking slightly pained. “I-I don't know. It feels like a dream. I remember things that never happened and know people I've never met and speak languages I never learned and I don't know why.”

Gwaine frowns- he hadn't been expecting an answer like that; he’d assumed they were named after friends or pets or something. “Merlin,” he begins slowly, “do you remember me?”

“Yeah,” Merlin answers, his voice small. “You said I was your best friend and you helped me with something… Arthur was there…. There were these dragons, and a castle, and a king. Except they weren’t really dragons… I can't tell.”

_Merlin is remembering his life in Camelot!_ Gwaine realizes, and he can't keep the smile off his face. “That's interesting, Merlin. It really is. You should tell those stories of your not-memories to everyone you remember. Do you remember Leon? Percival? Elyan?”

Merlin nods to each name, before adding quietly, “And I remember Lancelot.”

Gwaine sobers. “Yeah.”

“He was the only one who knew,” Merlin says, sounding absolutely devastated by the loss of this man he can't even properly remember. It makes Gwaine realize how much adult Merlin must miss the knight. He’d hidden it well after Lancelot’s death, but then Merlin has a bad habit of concealing his feelings when he’s upset.

“What did he know?” Gwaine urges gently, forcing the knight’s death out of his mind.

“He knew,” Merlin repeats emphatically, looking up at Gwaine with earnest eyes. When he still clearly doesn't understand, Merlin adds, “he knew what I can't tell you. He knew the secret that would get me killed.”

“Huh,” Gwaine says, and suddenly it occurs to him exactly how much Merlin had lost when Lancelot died. Apparently he had been the only one to know the boy’s fatal secret, and now Merlin had no one. _Damn it, Merlin. You know you can trust me, don't you?_ Gwaine thinks, angry at himself for not noticing his best friend’s grief.

“And there was a girl,” Merlin continues, looking deeply in thought.

“Gwen?” Gwaine guesses. Merlin shakes his head. “Morgana?”

“Freya,” Merlin says, and there’s a certain wistfulness in his young voice that makes the nature of their relationship clear.

_Merlin, you sly dog,_ Gwaine thinks, smiling. “What’s Freya like?”

“Was,” Merlin corrects with a frown. “What was she like. She’s dead.”

What?

“Someone killed her,” Merlin continues, sounding upset. His eyes dart rapidly back and forth, almost as if he’s reading some invisible book. “Someone I knew, someone I trusted…” His eyes suddenly stop their movement. “Arthur.”

_WHAT?!_

“Why did Arthur kill her, Merlin?” Gwaine asks with forced casualty.

“It didn't happen,” Merlin insists. “None of this happened. They're not real. It never happened. You never polished boots with me and you weren’t a noble and you're not my best friend and you didn't save us in a fight and you don't go to taverns all the time because none of it ever happened.”

Gwaine is officially lost. What is going on? Before he can question his friend any further, however, Percival opens the door with a grin.

“My turn!” The huge knight announces. Merlin shrinks back slightly, pulling his arms to his chest. Percival’s smile falters.

“Right,” Gwaine agrees absently, turning to Merlin. “Hey, remember to tell Percival about your not-memories.”

The boy nods solemnly, and Gwaine exits the room, leaving an extremely confused Percival and a slightly scared Merlin in his wake.

“Hey, Merlin. So do you want to tell me about the not-memories Gwaine mentioned?”

“I… remember things. Except I don't, ‘cause they're not real memories. They never happened,” Merlin explains carefully. “I remember being at a tavern with Gwaine. And polishing shoes with him. And I remember going on fights with you and the others. I hid behind trees so you all called me a coward but I was protecting you. I don't… It's all blurry…”

Percival stares at him in confusion. All of that is accurate, except for the bit about Merlin protecting them. The boy probably just remembers feeling protectiveness for his friends, and mentally translated it to actively keeping them safe. It's the only explanation.

“I serve Arthur…” Merlin’s eyes widen. “He's the king! But why hasn't he killed me? We’re friends, I think. Yes. We were friends. I kept him safe. He thinks I'm an idiot and I'm useless but I've saved his life so many times and-” Merlin breaks off with a sharp cry, holding his head to his temple.

“Merlin!” Percival shouts, fear pooling in his stomach as he rushes over to the small boy. “What's wrong? Are you okay?” He demands.

“I….I don't…” Merlin trails off, hesitantly removing his hands from his head. “P-Percival?”

“Yes? What is it?”

“The not-memories are real, aren't they? It all happened?”

“I think so, yeah,” Percival says quietly.

Merlin’s pale chin trembles. “I was hoping it was just pretend.”

“Why?”  
“Because if it never happened then all those people I remember dying would still be alive. Or they wouldn't exist at all.” Merlin looks up at Percival with watery eyes. “Will’s dead, isn't he?”

“Who’s Will?” the knight asks gently.

“He's my best friend. He died after I came to Camelot. We visited Ealdor and Arthur came and Will died saving him. I think he did. Except, it wasn't even for Arthur. Will hates nobility.” Merlin sniffles, wiping at his eyes before continuing in a small voice. “He did it for me.”

“I'm sorry,” Percival says, putting a comforting hand on his tiny friend’s shoulder. He knows he shouldn't ask, but eventually curiosity overwhelms him and he has to ask, “Who else do you remember dying?”

“Freya,” Merlin says, looking distant. “I loved her. I loved her more than anything. I was going to run away from Camelot with her and we were gonna live in a place with mountains and a lake and lots of strawberries. Then she died. 

“And Lancelot. He was my best friend, I think. Maybe not. I think Gwaine was my best friend, too. And Arthur. But Lancelot was different. He knew my secret and he trusted me. He always made me feel appreciated. Then he died. He died saving me, I think. He shouldn't have done that. 

“Then there was Balinor. He was my father, except I didn't know until we left to find him. He got killed by bandits.” Merlin’s brow furrows. “No, that's not true. No, it is true, but it's not the whole truth. Balinor… died saving… me?” Merlin finishes, sounding confused.

“There are others, too, only I can't tell you about them.” Merlin adds absently.

Percival stares at his friend, trying to process this new information. Merlin had been in love with a girl named Freya. Loved her so much he would have left everything he had in Camelot behind to be with her. She was killed. His best friend had been killed saving Arthur. He had saved him for Merlin. Merlin’s father had been gone during his childhood, and had died saving his son’s life. Lancelot had known Merlin’s secret.

“What do you mean, Lancelot died saving you?” Percival asks finally.  
“See, there was this magical veil thing. Someone had to go into it to close it, I think. I'm not sure. It's blurry. There are lots of pieces that don't fit. I was s’posed to go into it, I was gonna give my life to close the veil. That's what was supposed to happen, but Lancelot wouldn't let me. He went into the veil instead, and that was _wrong_ and he wasn't supposed to do that. It was s’posed to be me.” He looks Percival dead in the eyes. "It should've been me."

_Oh, Merlin._


	3. Chapter 3

“Why should it have been you?” Percival asks. “Lancelot was a knight. He was meant to protect you and all the people of Camelot. No one would have expected that of a servant.”

Merlin frowns. “I'm not just a servant. I mean, I am, but I'm not. Not really. I remember… I was more than that, wasn't I? You were my friends. And I protected you, I think. I saved you.”

“Yes, you were friends with us. You were friends with all the knights, and the king and queen of Camelot.”

Merlin perks up at this. “The queen. That's Gwen, right?” At Percival’s nod, he continues eagerly, “she was my friend when she was a servant.”

Percival smiles. “She still is your friend.”

A beam spreads across Merlin’s face. “So the king and queen are both my friends?” he asks carefully.

“Yes. They're your very best friends.”

Merlin’s smile fades. “What about Uther?”

“What about him?”

“He's s’posed to be the king of Camelot. He's s’posed to kill me, except Arthur’s king now.” Merlin frowns, thinking this over. “He doesn't seem to want me dead.”

“He doesn't. And Uther was killed a few years ago, by a sorcerer named Dragoon.”

Merlin’s eyes widen, and for a second Percival is worried he's scared the boy by mentioning magic, before Merlin begins muttering to himself “that's not right. It can't be. It doesn't _fit.”_

“What doesn't fit?”

“Dragoon was me, except he wasn't. He was _old_ and he was still me. And I'm him. ‘Cept I didn't kill Uther, ‘cause he's Arthur’s father, isn't he? And I wouldn't do that to Arthur. I wouldn't.”

Percival stares at his friend. “Dragoon wasn't just old,” he begins slowly, “he was also a sorcerer. So he couldn't have been you, could he?”

Something in Percival’s expression causes fear to flash over Merlin’s features, and he starts to back away from the knight. “No… it- it wasn't me. It wasn't, it wasn't, I swear, I'm just confused-” Merlin breaks off, his voice getting more and more desperate with each word.

Percival raises his hands in surrender, but Merlin lets out a small gasp of terror and then his eyes are _gold_ and the large man is being pushed away even though nothing’s touching him. He lands on his knees a few feet back, and Merlin is crying and begging him not to hurt him and suddenly a lot of things make sense.

“Merlin,” he says, not making any move to harm the boy but not coming any closer, “do you have magic?”

“Please don't tell,” Merlin begs softly, his voice breaking. “Please, I was born like this and I swear I never hurt anyone.”

Percival looks into the tiny boy’s terrified blue eyes, sees the way his lip trembles and his arms wrap around his shaking body, and knows with absolute certainty that Merlin is the farthest thing from evil, magic or not.

“I won't tell,” he says finally, and Merlin’s whole body sags in relief. “But I think you should,” Percival adds.

“No, no, I can't, no no no, please don't make me!” Merlin whimpers.

“Hey,” Percival soothes, finally coming closer to his friend and wrapping him in a hug. Merlin stiffens for a second before collapsing into the knight, and Percival can feel him shaking as loud, gasping sobs start escaping his body.

“I'm sorry,” Merlin keeps whispering into Percival’s chest. “I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.”

Percival finally pulls away from the hug, but keeps holding onto Merlin’s arms. “Listen to me,” he orders gently, and when Merlin nods, swallowing hard, he looks him straight in the eyes. “I think you should tell Arthur. And I give you my word, he will _not hurt you._ ”

“What if he does?” Merlin asks in a small voice. “What if he's angry and he wants me dead?”

“He will be angry,” Percival allows, “but no matter what you did, Arthur would never kill you. I don't think he could. Although he would never admit it, he cares about you far too much for that.”

Merlin’s eyes search the knight’s face, trying to find some sign of dishonesty. When he finds none, he averts his eyes, staring at the floor for a second before nodding his agreement. “Okay,” he whispers. “But… just promise… promise you won't let him hurt me? I know you said he wouldn't, but if he gets too angry, will you promise to protect me?”

“Always,” Percival swears without hesitation.

“Then I'll do it.”

 

 

“What is this about?” Gwaine asks once all the knights have seated themselves around the table.

“I'm not sure,” Arthur admits, frowning. “Percival requested that I hold a meeting. He said Merlin had something to tell us.”

“Did he remember how he was transformed into a child?” Leon asks.

“Maybe,” Arthur murmurs.

They all turn as the doors creak open, and Percival enters, holding Merlin’s hand. The small boy looks absolutely terrified, and Arthur barely suppresses the urge to hug him and assure him that everything will be alright.

“Percival said there was something you wanted to tell us?” Arthur urges gently.

Merlin nods, swallowing. He clutches Percival’s hand tighter, turning to the large knight with pleading eyes. Percival offers a small nod of assurance.

“I…” Merlin trails off, staring at the ground as his eyes brim with tears. “I have… magic.” The last word is whispered, and the second he finishes speaking, he flinches, as if expecting to be killed on the spot. “I'm a warlock.”

Arthur almost thinks he's joking, but then he sees the look on Merlin’s face and knows it's real. _Oh, God, Merlin has magic._ He turns to his knights, taking in their reactions.

Leon is tense, his hand hovering over the hilt of his sword.

Gwaine also looks ready to draw his sword, but Arthur suspects that if it came down to it, he’d rather use it on the king than the sorcerer. There’s an almost amused expression on his face, and the ghost of a smirk playing on his lips.

Elyan is watching the encounter with a look of shock, and perhaps a bit of anger.

Percival is looking at Arthur with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

“Don't do anything stupid now, Princess.” Gwaine says. While the words are teasing, the tone makes it clear that it's a threat. The warning is clear: _touch Merlin and I will make you sorry._

Merlin lets out a muffled sob, still looking at the ground.

That's when Arthur decides. Right when that noise escapes Merlin’s mouth, Arthur knows that there is only one thing to do. He realizes that the stake was never an option, not really. And besides, he can barely think about this tiny Merlin being killed, being burned without almost losing his lunch. So Arthur does the only thing he can do.

He hugs Merlin.

When he first goes in for the embrace, Merlin flinches but doesn't move away, and Arthur feels sick to his stomach when he realizes that Merlin genuinely expected to die. He holds Merlin to him, and after a second, the sorcerer hugs him back.

“Oh, you idiot,” Arthur mutters fondly. There’s still some lingering bitterness, some apprehension because _Merlin is a sorcerer_ and a bit of betrayal because _Merlin is a sorcerer and he didn't tell me._

But when Merlin whispers, “clotpole,” in a shaky voice into the king’s ear, it occurs to Arthur that it doesn't really matter. Because magic or not, Merlin is Merlin and that will never change. And so Arthur decides that all his questions and accusations and apologies can wait until later. For now he’ll just hug Merlin, and he will think about how it is a sorcerer that is hugging him back and after thinking about it for a second, he will realize that he doesn't mind.

Suddenly, something changes and at first it feels like Merlin is pulling away from the hug except his arms are still wrapped around Arthur and he hasn't really moved. The king pulls away to study him and notices that Merlin is _growing,_ right in front of him.

After a minute, the adorable but terrified child that Arthur had quickly become accustomed to is gone and in his place is a sheepish manservant.

Merlin laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

Arthur waits for the anger to set in now that he isn't looking at a helpless child, but it never comes and the only thing he says is, “thank god your clothes grew with you or this would be a bit awkward.”

Merlin relaxes, letting out a snort and all the rest of Arthur’s doubt vanishes.

“Don't think this will get you out of mucking the stables,” the king adds, and just like that everything is back to normal.

“Of course, sire,” Merlin says, bowing mockingly before exiting the room- going in the opposite directions of the stables.

“He's blatantly disobeying orders immediately after confessing to sorcery!” Leon says.

And Arthur can't help thinking that, warlock or not, Merlin really is quite a terrible manservant.  
He’d make a much better Court Sorcerer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am (finally) with the last chapter! This one doesn't actually have a lot of plot, it's mostly just closure for everyone out there who still wanted people to know what Merlin had sacrificed for them. Honestly it's really just Merlin talking about Freya and Gwaine being protective and Arthur being oblivious. I hope you enjoy!

Merlin hears a knock on his door, and he spins around, starting to say “come in!” only to find Gwaine already in the room with a grin on his face.

“Hello,” Merlin greets him.

“Hi,” Gwaine returns. “I wanted to ask you something. About what you said when you were… you know…” he makes a gesture around his waist. “Small.”

“Right,” Merlin laughs. “Ask anything you want.”

“Well, you said something about a girl named Freya? And… Arthur killing her?”

Merlin’s face hardens. “Anything except that.”

Gwaine takes on a pleading expression. “Merlin, please. You lied to me for years- Okay, _didn't tell me_ for years that you could do magic,” he modifies upon seeing the warlock’s expression. “The point is… I thought you trusted me. I told you everything. I told you I was a bloody _noble,_ Merlin! What, you thought if you told me I would just send you straight to the pyre? You had to have known I wouldn't. But you didn't know, and that hurt. I mean, I get why you wouldn't tell Arthur, since he's the king and all and technically the one enforcing the whole anti-magic law, but… me?”

“I'm sorry. You have to understand how hard it is when your life is on the line, and before you say you wouldn't have told anyone, I know. It's just… you're a knight of Camelot. A knight to Arthur, and that means you would have to betray him if you were to remain loyal to me. And honestly, I know you would have. I know you would have lied to him through your teeth before revealing my secret. That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to put you in that position,” Merlin admits. 

“And besides that, it's a little difficult to tell people this secret that I was told constantly as a child would get me killed. I never even told anyone back in Ealdor. The only person besides my mother that knew was Will,” Merlin swallows, “and I didn't even tell him. He just found out one day when I got angry and accidentally made a drawer open from across the room. That's why I _left_ Ealdor, because my mom discovered that Will knew about my magic and sent me away to make sure I was safe and he wouldn't tell.”

Gwaine snorts. “Bloody ironic, sending you of Camelot of all places.”

“Tell me about it,” Merlin agrees with a grin. “But she thought Gaius would be able to teach me how to control my magic better.”

“Back to Freya,” Gwaine starts, “since you didn't tell me about your magic, I feel entitled to an admission. Just between friends,” he adds, stressing the last word.

Merlin swallows. “It's not an issue of trust that keeps me from telling you. It's just because I don't want to talk about it. I can't. It hurts too much to remember.”

“That's what friends are for,” Gwaine tells him softly. “To carry the weight with you and to try our hardest to help with the pain.”

The warlock closes his eyes. “Fine,” he agrees after a moment. “I'll tell you. A couple of years ago, I happened to meet a girl. She was trapped by a bounty hunter, and I used my magic to let her out of the cage. I did it because she looked so terrified and harmless and I didn't want her to die, and… it so easily could have been me in that cage, scared and alone and about to die for the crime of existing. So I let her out, and I tried to help her after that.”

“Was she a druid?” Gwaine asks quietly.

Merlin considers. “In a way. But that wasn't why she was in the cage. It was something more than that. I tried to give her food with magic, told her she could have anything she wanted. She asked for strawberries. I tried my hardest to make some for her, but I ended up with a red flower. She said it wasn't a strawberry, and I said it was the right color and gave it to her anyway. Since I couldn't make her food with magic, I began bringing her breakfast from Arthur’s plate.” Merlin smiles at the memory.

“I tried so hard to keep her safe and happy; I even stole a dress from Morgana for her. She wore this thing that was little more than a rag, and I couldn't stand to see her in it. So I gave her the dress. It was fit for a princess, and that's why she refused to wear it. She didn't think she was worthy of it. She kept telling me that she was dangerous, that I should just leave her. But I couldn't. I… I loved her.”

“Why did she say she was dangerous?” Gwaine asks gently.

“Because she was,” Merlin whispers. “She was cursed. She turned into this monster at night that couldn't help but kill.”

“How had she been cursed?”

“A man attacked her. She tried to fight him, and ended up accidentally killing him out of self defense. She didn't mean to. She was so gentle, she would never have hurt anyone intentionally. But the man’s mother was a sorceress, and she was angry. So she cursed Freya to kill forever more.”

“That's why she was in the cage,” Gwaine breaths.

Merlin nods sadly. “Yes. And that's why- remember when I said she was a druid in a way? She had been one, but when she was cursed the other druids cast her out. When I found out about this, I told her we would leave together. We would go somewhere where there was no one else, where she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. We were gonna live by a lake. A beautiful lake. She said no at first, told me she couldn't make me leave my life in Camelot behind for her, but she agreed eventually.”

“You would have left Arthur to be with her?” Gwaine asks in shock. It’s hard for him to fathom someone being important enough to Merlin that he would abandon the king.

“Yeah,” Merlin says softly. “Yeah, I would have.”

“What went wrong?” Gwaine persists.

Merlin looks away. “That night, before we met up to leave, she tried to go without me. She loved me too much to let me destroy everything I had for her. So she ran. And Arthur found her. He and the knights cornered her… she tried to escape but it was too late. She started to transform into the monster she was cursed to be, and Arthur… Arthur stabbed her. I used my magic to create a distraction. I think I blew some of the knights away. I don't really remember. I just remember taking her to the tunnel. Even as a monster, she couldn't hurt me. She ran. I found her farther down in the tunnel, injured and crying but human.”

“You don't have to tell me,” Gwaine says. He knows where this will inevitably lead, and he doesn't want to hurt his friend by making him say it.

“Yes, I do,” Merlin chokes out. “I carried her through the woods to a lake, a lake where we might have lived if-” he breaks off, shaking his head. “If. She smiled up at me and said, ‘you remembered,’ and I told her of course I did. I said I was sorry for what the sorceress did to her, and I begged for a way to save her. She told me I already had saved her by making her feel loved. I told her not to go, and she promised that she would repay me one day. Then she died in my arms. I burned her body in the lake.” Merlin’s voice is hollow despite the tears running down his face.

“Merlin, I am so-”

“Don't,” Merlin cuts him off, voice breaking. “Just… don't.”

Gwaine nods. He tries to speak, but finds there’s nothing to say. Instead, he hugs his best friend.

Merlin tenses in his arms for a moment, but soon relaxes. After a moment, Gwaine hears a quiet sob on his shoulder.

“It's okay,” he says simply, and Merlin breaks down. They somehow end up on the floor, but Gwaine doesn't pull away.

“I miss her,” he chokes out.

“I know,” Gwaine says.

At that moment, there’s a knock on the door, and Arthur walks in before either man can say anything.

“Merlin, where the hell-” he breaks off upon seeing his two friends on the floor, holding each other and crying. “What's going on here?”

Gwaine’s face darkens as he releases Merlin and stalks over to the man who killed his best friend’s lover. “You, Princess, have some things to answer for.”

Arthur narrows his eyes at the threat in the knight’s face. “What are you-”

“Stop,” Merlin says in a voice that is small and quiet but somehow powerful. “It's not worth it.”

“How can you say that?” Gwaine asks.

“He didn't know,” Merlin says simply.

“What didn't I know?” Arthur cuts in, tone slightly softer upon seeing Merlin’s tear stained face.

“That you ki-”

“Gwaine!” Merlin snaps. The knight meets his gaze, and Merlin shakes his head. “Leave it.”

Gwaine closes his eyes before nodding in agreement. He turns back to Arthur. “You're damn lucky that Merlin is the most forgiving person in the world. Because if I had it my way, I'd have already started punching,” he growls before leaving the room, making sure to bump into Arthur’s shoulder on the way out.

Arthur frowns. “Is there something I should know?”  
Merlin smiles. “No. Nothing at all.”

“Are you sure? Because Gwaine seems to think I’ve done something.”

“As it turns out, the only crime you’re guilty of is being a complete and utter prat,” Merlin informs Arthur.

“At least I'm not an idiot who wears ridiculous scarves all the time!”  
Merlin yelps indignantly. “I happen to like my scarves!”

“You're the only one who does,” Arthur snorts.

“Why, my king, I never realized fashion was so important to you!” Merlin gasps in mock surprise.

As Arthur sputters indignantly and eventually just tells Merlin to shut up, the warlock grins. Because unbeknownst to Arthur, he's been, for the first time, completely forgiven.

Merlin still misses Freya, of course. But he’s learned how to live without her, and he thinks she’d be proud of him.  
When Arthur eventually leaves the room, he goes to his bed and picks up the flower he’d given Freya. He’d enchanted it to stay forever fresh, and he smiles down at it now. “Hey, Freya,” he says softly to it, “I know how to make strawberries now. I think you’d like them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I realize the ending wasn't the best, but it seemed right to me. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
